I have a confession....

I have a confession to make.  As I take a deep breathe and then exhale, I am going to share this with you. I  forget that I am fat. There now I have said it out loud.  I feel so much better now that I have got that off my chest and out in the open.  All kidding aside. I truly do not think of myself as fat, or  that there is a thin person inside of me struggling to get out. I just accept me as me.  I realize society at large perceives me as being a person with a weight problem and for some that means I need to be fixed. I am not broken.  I am healthy, both physically and mentally. I am capable of giving and receiving love. I have a good job, a great family and a husband who thinks I am sexy as hell.  It was a struggle to reach this nirvana, but now that I am here I am not letting anyone take it away from me. I refuse to allow society to place any limitations on me, because there is nothing that I cannot do at my current weight. In fact, I find that I am more comfortable with the person I am now then I was in my early  20s. I am not running around trying to fit into a mould of a perception of a perfect woman.  I am the exact woman I was meant to be.  My mission will continue to be, and strive for women to accept themselves as they are.  Now if you excuse me I have to get back to my  plan to parachute over Paris. The problem with this plan is not my weight but my intense fear of heights.  This one is taking a lot longer to overcome then the numbers on my scale.  One day at a time people, one day at a time.

50 Shades of Impossible

For awhile I have not been able to write anything. Life derailed my progress, but I am back on track and ready to take on the world (cue inspirational music!) The worst was no internet for almost a week. After talking the children down and explaining what life was before we had internet,( my son asking how I raise my pet dinosaur), the repair man came. He was raised to god like status, high fived and kissed by one an all and we are back in cyber space. During my brief intermission from blogging I had the opportunity to read

50 Shades of Grey, all 3 books.

Now if you are not familiar with these books I will quickly surmise the premise for you. 

Young woman, meets rich damaged controlling man, they engage in "kinky fuckery" in an attempt for young woman to fix rich man's inner demons through bondage and live happily ever after. 

If you have figured out I am not a big fan of the books, not just because of the unrealistic dialogue or the fact that the male "hero" can have sex multiple times in a row without needing a nap, it's what I find to be the underlying message. "I want to be with you, but you need to change and conform to my idealized standards of what a woman should be". For instance in the book the male character is always making demands on the female character from what she wears, to whom her friends are to even what and when she should eat because she is too thin.  I for one never desire to have anyone control me that way no matter how attractive or rich they are. I think that being a woman (not just a curvaceous plus sized woman), society already tries conform to an image that I am not comfortable with and these books bring up these feelings in me.  I would like to see a series of book where the woman is powerful and the guy is spending his time biting his lip in anticipation