Sexy is an adjective, not a size! Where to find Plus Size Lingerie to fit your form!

I recently engaged in debate (argument) that a plus sized woman can be sensual and if so inclined, can wear some sexy lingerie that expresses her thoughts and maybe her wants. The person (closed minded and shallow) felt that wearing revealing garments was best left to younger (thinner) women.  Admittedly  this is an opinion that a lot of plus sized women express, that they are too fat to wear anything revealing. This is were I disagree. I feel that a woman of any size can wear a beautiful piece of lingerie if she feels comfortable in her own skin and is  accepting of herself the way she is.   Wearing a beautiful matching bra and pantie set, or maybe rocking out the g-string, can be something you do just for you, that helps boost your confidence. No one needs to know but you!  A few weeks ago I was approached by  Plus Size Lingerie Boutique to review an item from their site. I agreed to do so, but only if I was allowed complete honesty. To be clear, I was not paid to review the item, my goal was to find another place for plus sized women to get their sexy on! And get my sexy on is what I did.  They offer a wide range of choices, prices and styles to fit anyone's budget. You can choose something that is romantic or embrace your naughty side with some liquid leather and peek a boo bra! Best of all is the range of sizes. From 1x-6x in some items.  I choose to review the Executive Sweet Babydoll. The material is microfiber (best to hand wash no dryer)and has some lovely ruffle details. I like that the straps were adjustable. The little panties that came with it also had the ruffle detail and were surprisingly comfortable. I was most appreciative that it was not a thong because that would be out of my comfort level. My only complaint is that  I ordered the 3x-4x,which is my usual size, but found that it was actually a little to big for me.   What you cannot see in this picture is the provocative slit in the back, gives a little glance at the panties!               Overall, I was quite impressed.

Executive Sweet Babydoll

Check out the site for yourself and explore your options, perhaps unleash your inner goddess or keep her hidden until you want to share!

So you have discovered you are fat. Now what does this mean?

When did you first find out you were plus sized, fat, big boned, voluptuous, or curvy? You choose which adjective best describes how you feel about your size and ponder that question. Now your probably asking yourself  "what is she talking about? I just need to look down and  know how big I am". I can look down all I want but since I was 13 I have not seen anything past my breasts.  I only see my feet when I am sitting in my chair. Then the next response would be.." I can tell how big I am by looking in the mirror". That maybe be true, but let's be honest here, the mirror is just a reflection not a definition of who your are. No, if you are like most women (or men) you determined just how fat (or thin) you are by judging and comparing yourself with others. Whether it is from your peer group, what you see on television or just random strangers, you compare yourself to your own standard of beauty. How many of us have walked into large gathering and start to compare our bodies to other women, to scan the crowed to see if maybe there is someone larger then we are? How many of us pull in our unsuspecting husbands into our poor self esteem issues and say to them "Honey is she bigger then me"? Okay maybe that  last one is just me. I have someone in my life who actually uses my weight as a stepping stone to build their own self esteem. They feel better about themselves because my pants are a size larger then theirs.  My message here is an easy one to say but a hard one to follow:

                            STOP COMPARING YOUR SIZE TO OTHER WOMEN. 

Told you it is easy for me to say, hard for all to follow. Embrace the beauty that is uniquely you. Don't compare yourself because you are smaller or larger then someone. Be the best person you are mean't to be. Learn to accept yourself the way you are, change the things that make you unhappy, love the life you are given and whenever you are feeling down, make a baby laugh! Trust me, once you are rewarded by giggling baby nothing else compares. And most of all remember:
                             
                            WEIGHT IS A NUMBER, NOT A PERSONALITY TRAIT

I have a confession....

I have a confession to make.  As I take a deep breathe and then exhale, I am going to share this with you. I  forget that I am fat. There now I have said it out loud.  I feel so much better now that I have got that off my chest and out in the open.  All kidding aside. I truly do not think of myself as fat, or  that there is a thin person inside of me struggling to get out. I just accept me as me.  I realize society at large perceives me as being a person with a weight problem and for some that means I need to be fixed. I am not broken.  I am healthy, both physically and mentally. I am capable of giving and receiving love. I have a good job, a great family and a husband who thinks I am sexy as hell.  It was a struggle to reach this nirvana, but now that I am here I am not letting anyone take it away from me. I refuse to allow society to place any limitations on me, because there is nothing that I cannot do at my current weight. In fact, I find that I am more comfortable with the person I am now then I was in my early  20s. I am not running around trying to fit into a mould of a perception of a perfect woman.  I am the exact woman I was meant to be.  My mission will continue to be, and strive for women to accept themselves as they are.  Now if you excuse me I have to get back to my  plan to parachute over Paris. The problem with this plan is not my weight but my intense fear of heights.  This one is taking a lot longer to overcome then the numbers on my scale.  One day at a time people, one day at a time.

50 Shades of Impossible

For awhile I have not been able to write anything. Life derailed my progress, but I am back on track and ready to take on the world (cue inspirational music!) The worst was no internet for almost a week. After talking the children down and explaining what life was before we had internet,( my son asking how I raise my pet dinosaur), the repair man came. He was raised to god like status, high fived and kissed by one an all and we are back in cyber space. During my brief intermission from blogging I had the opportunity to read

50 Shades of Grey, all 3 books.

Now if you are not familiar with these books I will quickly surmise the premise for you. 

Young woman, meets rich damaged controlling man, they engage in "kinky fuckery" in an attempt for young woman to fix rich man's inner demons through bondage and live happily ever after. 

If you have figured out I am not a big fan of the books, not just because of the unrealistic dialogue or the fact that the male "hero" can have sex multiple times in a row without needing a nap, it's what I find to be the underlying message. "I want to be with you, but you need to change and conform to my idealized standards of what a woman should be". For instance in the book the male character is always making demands on the female character from what she wears, to whom her friends are to even what and when she should eat because she is too thin.  I for one never desire to have anyone control me that way no matter how attractive or rich they are. I think that being a woman (not just a curvaceous plus sized woman), society already tries conform to an image that I am not comfortable with and these books bring up these feelings in me.  I would like to see a series of book where the woman is powerful and the guy is spending his time biting his lip in anticipation

I want dessert..the world wants me to eat broccoli...

Let me start by saying this, I am not anti-vegetable or a hater of fruit, but I have noticed something that occurs at restaurants all over the world from greasy spoons to high class establishments. Maybe you have as well....
Do you ever find when you are eating dinner with a bunch of women you alter what you really want to eat to keep in fashion with the latest diet that everyone is following. Are you counting points when you are not even on weight watchers.  I have often experienced when ordering  the "I will just have water" , when dammit I just really want a coke. Not a diet coke, nope a honest to goodness, super sugary, bubbly goodness of happiness in glass.  Or my other favorite is "I will have the salad, dressing on the side" instead of "I want french fries with gravy and hey if you have some bacon, throw that on too!" I have experienced the pressure because I am plus sized I should be actively dieting all the time.  When I made the decision that I could not change the world's attitude, I would change mine, I decided not to make myself feel bad because I want to have dessert.  My own dessert, not  sharing it will 4 other girls to help minimize their guilt because the have fallen off the diet train. What I am trying to say is that I do not want food to be my enemy. I have been there done that and came away with an eating disorder that ruled my life for many years. I want to enjoy the food I eat savor both healthy and sweet.  I don't eat out everyday, nor do I have dessert at home so when I am out, I sometimes like to indulge in foods I normally don't get to.  I encourage you to eat healthy but eat the foods you enjoy, and stop worrying what everyone else thinks.

Boudoir Beauty...or Releasing the Inner Goddess

Have you ever been curious about experiencing the boudoir photo shoot and maybe secretly wanted to explore your inner goddess? Have you let those negative, self deprecating thoughts enter your head and think "Oh my goodness, I could never to do that, I am too fat". Me too! I hate having my picture taken, let alone stripping down to some sexy lingerie and posing for provocative pictures. When I started my metamorphosis to body acceptance, I started to experience a shift in my world of negativity, and decided to take some risks. I decided do to the boudoir photo shoot. I channeled my inner Tess Munster and booked an appointment to release my inner vixen onto film. I thought I would share with you what I learned about the whole process and then share some pictures (please be kind) of the the photo shoot.

• Meet with the photographer first. See if this person is someone you feel comfortable seeing you in lingerie. Discuss the kind of shots you are willing to do and maybe body parts that you would like minimized. I was lucky to work with Carina at Breathless Photography. She met with me before hand to discuss everything that was involved and what my expectations were. The day of the shoot, she made the experience enjoyable, dare I say fun, and most important LIBERATING!!!
• Wear something you want to see in pictures! Whether it is something you have hiding in a drawer waiting for that special occasion, or you order something new, maybe from Hips and Curves, which is what I did. The clothes definitely helped raise the sexy factor.
• If hair and make up are not your thing (I am definitely challenged in these areas) get your styling done by a professional who know what works well in pictures. If money is tight, try looking up tutorials on youtube that teach how to create a smokey eye for dramatic effect or head down to your local beauty school where they often have discounted prices for hair styling.
• Most important DO THIS FOR YOU AND HAVE FUN! I did not do these pictures for my husband (he appreciated them), I did them for me, as a celebration of my body and how far I have come to accept myself just the way I am. 

All pictures were taken by Breathless Photography

My love/hate affair with SHAPEWEAR!!!

I have a love/hate relationship with anything called shapewear! I strive to be comfortable and find that most shapewear is uncomfortable, binding, close to cutting of the circulation to my legs and not something I even want to attempt to put on at any point. Please do not get me started on control top panty hose. The only thing they control is my ability to properly digest food. But (there is always a but), I do admit that at times I want a slightly smoother tummy if the dress is particularly form fitting. Historically women have been trying to cinch in their waist since the 17th century. Centuries of needless suffering in an effort to achieve an idolized shape which still continues to this day. 

In the 1900's came the introduction of rubber which was believed the help reduce your size.I believe probably it was an effective tool because it increased the amount the women would sweat!

 In the 1940's designers realized that women actually needed some air circulation to prevent repeated episodes of fainting and introduced a girdle that was porous and allowed movement. Still uncomfortable and not very attractive.

In the 1970's and 80's the rage became control top panty hose. They were expensive, often rolled down and easily would get runs in them rendering them good for straining paint and possible robbing of banks.

                             The revolution for a lot of women was when Sara Blakely introduced:

 Spanx offered what women were looking for, a well made garment, that was comfortable and prevented the hated "roll down the tummy" undergarment disaster. Unfortunately I am not meant for Spanx. I find them too constricting and I do not possess enough coordination to use the little slit that allows you to pee without having to take the panties down. And to take them down requires more effort and time then I have in a tiny little bathroom cubicle. The lines to the toilet are long enough without having to wait for me to grunt, groan and attempt to pull up the "high waisted power panty". More often then not I surrender and shove them into my purse.

My last attempt at shapewear was successful for me. I found the smooth and chic comfort brief  fromCity Chic.

 I find that it holds me in where I need to be held, allows me to pull them down as needed and better yet, pull them back up without losing my dignity. I am sure you have had similar experiences and I would love to hear from you! Please share your stories or tips where to find great shapewear!